From Jack Daniels to Juice Boxes
I met my friend Sam back in 2011 through the old Dear God Why Us Sports and Buffalo Wins work shoot blogging days. Back then, our friendship was built on sports, sarcasm, and making questionable decisions that usually involved too much alcohol. We were younger, had fewer responsibilities, and could stay out way later than we should have.
Fast forward fifteen years and life looks a little different. Sam lives down the street from me now. We both have kids. The nights of doing multiple shots of Jack Daniels have been replaced by having one beer, checking the clock every fifteen minutes, and saying, “Well, I better get the fuck home because my kid is going to wake me up at 6:30.”
One thing that hasn’t changed is watching sports together. Now is it as much as it used to be? No. He’s a good dad and builds his Sundays around hanging out with his daughter while I build my Sundays around the Bills and praying Andy sleeps during most of the game.
Still, Over the last few years, we’ve ended up catching more games at bars whenever our schedules allow. The funny thing is that while I care about the Knicks, my fandom is probably best described as bandwagon-adjacent. I liked them in the 90s because everyone loved those tougher than a 2 dollar steak teams. Then came the Isiah Thomas years, which felt like a decades-long hostage situation, and I checked out for a long time.
Sam, however, always kept up. Especially with the NBA in general.
And if you’re a fan of both the Bills and the Knicks, you deserve some sort of government assistance program. That is a brutal combination of sports misery.
This postseason, we watched four of the five Knicks/Spurs Finals together at a bar. I’m pretty sure we did that cause our wives didn’t want to see us screaming at the TV, but I digress.
I thought I knew Sam pretty well after all these years. I was wrong.
I’ve never seen him this emotionally invested in anything. Every bad possession was a personal attack. Every referee was a criminal. Every opposing player deserved to be launched directly into the sun. There were moments where I genuinely thought he was going to throw his beer at the TV.
Meanwhile, I was sitting there enjoying myself.
That’s one of the underrated joys of sports. Sometimes it’s more fun cheering for your friend’s team than your own. The stress isn’t yours. The heartbreak isn’t yours. You get to experience all the excitement without carrying decades of emotional baggage into every possession.
When the Knicks won, I was happy because Sam was happy.
When they lost, I was disappointed because Sam looked like somebody had just informed him Vince McMahon came back to run WWE.
The older I get, the more I realize sports aren’t just about the teams. They’re also about the people you watch them with. The memories become less about the score and more about who was sitting next to you when it happened. These Finals were insane. I won’t ever forget game 4 and 5, watching at Astoria Tavern and not having any room to fart. When the final buzzard sounded, Sam hugged his brother and dad and I joined the hug.
Here’s photo evidence of him being ecstatic.
Back in 2011, Sam and I were doing shots and arguing about Buffalo sports on the internet. Today we’re two dads trying to squeeze in a couple of hours at a bar before rushing home to our families.
The teams change. Life changes.
But if you’re lucky, some friendships stick around long enough to make all the losing worth it, especially when you finally win the big one.
The Hidden Cost of Josh Allen's Greatness
Nobody in Buffalo wants to talk about it.
Josh Allen is in his prime. He just won MVP. The Bills are a perennial contender. Every season starts with legitimate Super Bowl expectations because No. 17 gives Buffalo a chance against anybody.
But eventually, the conversation is coming.
What does Josh Allen look like in his 30s?
It’s not a criticism. It’s not saying he’s declining. It’s simply acknowledging a reality that has existed throughout NFL history: quarterbacks who make a living absorbing contact and run a lot tend to age differently than quarterbacks who avoid it.
Allen has never played the position like Tom Brady. He doesn’t play it like Peyton Manning. He doesn’t even play it like Patrick Mahomes, who has gradually become more selective about when he runs.
Allen plays football like he’s trying to win every snap. One of my earliest memories of the QB was when he stiffed armed Kiko Alonso into another zip code after bouncing off another player during his rookie year. We can go to the QB sneak on Thanksgiving 2019 that looked more like a burglar breaking a door down than sneaking into a house.
That’s part of what makes him great.
We’ve seen it on NFL Films and I like to picture that John Facenda is doing a voiceover from football heaven
“Like a giant runaway truck on a cold December day in Buffalo, Josh Allen drives into a LB like he’s late for a delivery”
When a play breaks down, he doesn’t slide. He lowers his shoulder. He hurdles linebackers. He stiff-arms safeties. He turns third-and-seven into first-and-ten because he’s bigger, stronger, and more athletic than most of the people trying to tackle him. Bills fans love it because it works. Defenses hate it because they know what’s coming and often can’t stop it.
The problem is that football keeps receipts.
Every hit counts.
Every scramble where Allen fights for an extra three yards instead of stepping out of bounds counts. Every quarterback sneak where he crashes into a pile of 600 pounds worth of defensive linemen counts.
And Allen has taken a lot of those hits.
As it stands right now, Josh Allen has the 6th most rushing yards in NFL history for QBs. He’s also 5th for carries and only needs two more carries to pass Mike Vick for 4th all-time for QBs
For years, I always viewed Josh Allen like he was Cam Newton. Big dude, rocket arm, good luck bringing him down. That’s actually the comparison that should make people nervous.
Cam Newton was an MVP at 26. By 30, he was physically breaking down. The shoulder injuries piled up. The punishment accumulated. The explosive athlete who terrified defenses simply wasn’t the same player anymore. Steve McNair was a co-MVP in 2003 at the age of 30. By 33, he was a shell of his former self and that’s from a guy who started 6 games his first two seasons.
That’s not a prediction for Allen. It’s a warning about what history says can happen.
The NFL’s all-time rushing quarterback list is filled with similar examples.
Michael Vick retried as the all-time leading rusher for QBs. At his peak, he was the most dangerous running quarterback football had ever seen. But by his early 30s, the elite athleticism that separated him from everyone else had begun to fade. Injuries accumulated, and he had to increasingly rely on his arm rather than his legs. He also didn’t have nearly as a big of a body of work because he went to jail for 2 years.
Russell Wilson rushed for more than 5,400 yards in his career and spent the first decade of his NFL life escaping pressure, extending plays, and making defenses pay with his legs. But once he entered his 30s, that mobility advantage started to diminish. The last 5 years he was absolutely the drizzling shits.
Randall Cunningham eventually transformed himself into more of a pocket passer in 1998, but that was way down the line and he had retired before that and soon hit a wall the following year. Steve Young may be the best-case scenario, evolving into one of the greatest pure passers in NFL history while still maintaining enough mobility to keep defenses honest. But even Young’s career ended earlier than many all-time great quarterbacks because of the punishment he absorbed. He also didn’t become an every game starter until 1991 and his career ended in 1999. John Elway is probably the biggest hope from the list below
Now, the graph above does have some loopholes. For starters, running QBs are more of a thing now than 20 years ago. The NFL isn’t nearly as violent as it used to be. There’s also 7 QBs who are still active on the running list, so who knows if things will change.
The common thread is that running quarterbacks eventually have to evolve.
Allen doesn’t need to stop running. In fact, taking away his legs would take away one of the biggest advantages he has over every other quarterback in football. But he may eventually need to become more strategic and his coaches may have to help. I hate the Tush push when it isn’t at the goal line, as Allen is just running uphill and he’s taking on an entire defense and then has his own lineman are falling on him. The challenge for Allen will be figuring out how to stay Josh Allen while preserving enough of his body to still be Josh Allen at 35.
Because Buffalo’s championship window isn’t just tied to Allen being great. It’s tied to Allen staying healthy. Bills fans have gotten used to watching a quarterback who feels indestructible. For most of his career, he has been.
But nobody is indestructible in the NFL.
The hope for Buffalo is that Allen continues evolving as a passer the same way he has over the last several years. The more he wins from the pocket, the less he’ll need to win by running over linebackers. Because while Josh Allen is still capable of trucking defenders today, the Bills would much rather have him throwing touchdowns at age 38 than trying to run over a middle linebacker at age 33.
The scary part isn’t that Allen is getting older.
The scary part is that every quarterback who has played his style eventually found out that football has an expiration date.
The Buffalo Media OTA Hunger Games
I promised to be good. I really did.
I wasn’t going to say much of anything about the watered-down play-by-play of Josh Allen handshakes, Keon Coleman looking good against air, or deciding if a player is ready to come back from an ACL injury because he looks good lifting up a tackle dummy, or the self-imposed challenge of limiting yourself to one or two emojis per tweet. I was just going to wait until training camp to make fun of everyone.
But I can’t help it.
Look, I’m not a sports journalist or an editor. I’m a blogger, hater, skeptic and troll. But…My background is 24 years in reality television. It’s not something I brag about because, like Livia Soprano, I don’t like giving or receiving compliments. But I do know how to tell a story and how to develop one.
Covering OTAs isn’t exactly storytelling that belongs in the Pulitzer Hall of Fame. And I’m sure if any media person reads this, they’ll respond with…
“Well, that’s our job.”
Is it?
Your job is to cover the Bills. Yet, the majority of the Bills beat hardly bothered to do anything when Terry Pegula was accused of telling an NFL writer that the players should go back to Africa or when it leaked that Terry was bumbling his way through owners meetings or when Kim Pegula was mysteriously sick.
Why does live-tweeting every highlight or recapping practice like you’re covering the Iraq War’s “shock and awe” campaign have to be the assignment? Why has that become the default setting? Maybe it’s passed down from their bosses or what, but all of this is just pointless.
The best content I saw during OTAs was from Ty Dunne. His one-on-one interviews with Josh Allen and Ray Davis were miles ahead of everything else. They generated conversation, probably gained subscriptions, and most importantly, they gave people something they couldn’t get anywhere else.
Ty asked for time with Josh Allen and got nearly half an hour. He’s not Peter King in 1995. He doesn’t have two million followers. I don’t think the Bills gave him access because they felt obligated to unless you think they are trying to buy his love so he doesn’t have more negative manifestos about the organization, which could be completely true since no one else besides Tim Graham seems to have wiretap at One Bills Drive. He asked, he had an angle, and he delivered something unique. I’ll also give honorable mention to Buffalo News getting John Fox and Matt Parrino for getting a podcast with Joe Brady.
That’s what this time of year should be about.
This is the easiest part of the calendar to get creative. Ask to follow a player for a day after practice. Go grab wings with the offensive line and talk about chemistry. Spend time with a rookie away from the field. Do a duel interview with the Fina family. Find a story nobody else is telling.
Making money and driving people to your website, podcast, newsletter, or YouTube channel should be the goal. You’re not making a dime by live-tweeting a seven-yard completion in June. And spare me with the blue checkmark shit to make money cause that’s a drop in the bucket.
It’s empty calories.
And honestly, I don’t think many fans need twenty credentialed media members posting the exact same Keon Coleman catch from slightly different angles. Sure, you’ll get a few likes. Maybe even a couple hundred. But in the grand scheme of things, it means nothing because everyone is doing it. I’m not saying stop covering practice. But if you’re a credentialed media member, you need to diversify your content and not just rely on that.
The reality is that information has become a commodity. Stories, access, personality, and unique perspectives are what people will actually pay for. If your coverage is indistinguishable from the nineteen other people standing next to you on the sideline, then you’re not building an audience, you’re just another person holding a cell phone.
STATHEAD OF THE WEEK
DAD SHOTS
—Death. Taxes. Jim Dolan sucks.
If you want me to describe who Jim Dolan is with a Buffalo slant, he’s the Carl Paladino of real estate, the John Rigas of the cable industry, and an evil Terry Pegula when it comes to stupidity and micromanaging. New Yorkers hate him, unless you’re a host on WFAN who’s busy ball-washing the guy.
Last week, Dolan went on WFAN to try and justify how Trump didn’t fall asleep during the NBA Finals (lie), that Mayor Mamdani isn’t a Knicks fan (another lie), and that the mayor was somehow behind trying to neuter the Knicks watch party. This is the same asshole who reportedly has surveillance of fans at the arena who talk shit about him so he can banish them like King Joffrey sending people to The Wall. MSG registered for a watch party of just 999 people, which makes absolutely no sense considering they’ve hosted much larger events in the past. The mayor’s office approved it, and then Dolan rejected it.
Why?
Well, my theory—and really the theory of anyone with a functioning brain—is that things were chaotic when Trump attended Game 3 and the area around MSG got shut down. Dolan wanted to do his best friend a favor by making the mayor’s office look like the governing body from Escape From New York, turning Midtown into a prison zone and then blaming them for it.
“They can’t handle it! See? We should have been allowed to do more!”
Bullshit.
Anyways, the bar booed the shit out of him when he started talking on the stage after the Knicks won the title. So this isn’t just me who feels this way about him.
—Seeing a pro sports owner get handed the championship trophy first is one of the cringiest and dumbest traditions in sports.
—I have not watched one second of the Stanley Cup Final.
—In case you need more evidence that we’re living through one of the most corrupt administrations in modern American history—with a sports twist—this episode of Pablo Finds Out is absolutely worth your time.
—In the past two months, we’ve gotten nailed with tickets for speeding and running a red light because of cameras. So in case you ever thought those things were just props or bullshit, they’re not.
—Do you like me? Do you like the Bills? Do you want to see the Bills play in person? Do you want to tailgate? Do you like New Jersey? If your answers are yes, yes, yes, yes, and no... then please subscribe to this Substack for your chance to win.
—Stefon Diggs is not coming here. I think everyone involved in the conversation from social media, content creators, fans, and yes, myself included [raises hand]…shares some blame for why his name keeps getting brought up every five minutes. Did everyone forget that Diggs loves posting cryptic shit? That’s basically one of his hobbies.
—Speaking of jobs...Do you want to host the Bills pregame show? I found it interesting that this job posting is under Cumulus and not directly with the Bills, considering they’ve repeatedly said they’re going to produce everything themselves. Also, a correction from me: that note I had last week about WGR potentially going national from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. isn’t in play, according to two media sources I spoke with. I left a little wiggle room for interpretation when I wrote it, but I was off.
On the bright side, at least you got a fun history lesson on one of the most important Buffalo sports radio time slots of the last 20 years.
—Andy finished his latest, I guess, semester of soccer. He’s gotten better, but he still has work to do. For starters, he needs to kick the ball with ruthless aggression. He’s a gentle soon-to-be 3 year old giant. Video evidence below:
His next session starts in July, and it will be at Astoria Park instead of the indoor soccer facility. I am not looking forward to him running off whenever Mr. Softee’s music plays and I’m chasing after him.
—You know the deal, check out Homage for all your sports gear. If you buy anything following this link, your boy gets a kickback. This is some fine dad gear here.
I’m on Sydney Sweeny’s #1 fan’s podcast on Monday. Please give a listen and just fast forward Pat’s parts. Also, please subscribe, donate, buy a shirt or do all 3! Appreciate all of you and have a great week and tip your barista.
Allen has shown the capacity to change his game since his rookie year. He is different from a lot of quarterbacks insofar as he is a good self evaluator and spends time working on his weaknesses.
He probably doesn’t do it enough, but already he is taking fewer hits and sliding more often. The advent of the tush push hasn’t been a good thing for his long term health. But I think he has shown the capacity to evolve, which makes me think he may have a longer career than most people think.
He has the arm strength obviously to be a pure pocket passer. I think he runs when plays break down because he wants to win and not let his teammates down. Brady’s challenge will be to coach that out of him and get Allen to learn to throw it out of bounds and take the field goal attempt or rely more on his defense.
The issue last season was he looked like he was getting banged up more frequently from freak plays like hitting his fingers on a OL player’s helmet or landing on his shoulder. The Bills really need to invest in a better long term option at back up QB as a result. Allen could very well start missing long stretches of games. But you need a capable back up to keep you in the playoff race in hopes of Allen returning for the playoffs. It feels like the Bills are going to learn that the hard way.
This: “The scary part is that every quarterback who has played his style eventually found out that football has an expiration date.”