Everyone Eats crap

Greetings from Cancun, Mexico. Yes, I am a giant asshole for being able to avoid the Arctic winter storm that’s destroying the country right now — and I’m not just talking about the ice on the ground. We planned this trip ahead of time, and I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way of having a good time. I even decided I wasn’t going to use my phone. But five spicy margaritas in and a new head coach later, I can’t help but spit off some fiery, somewhat drunk intakes.

Now, in terms of the Bills firing Sean McDermott, I understand to a point why they did it. They thought something had to change because they couldn’t handle the playoff losses. Fine.

Now, in terms of the candidates… I was pretty ambivalent about them. I’m not going to get into why, but whoever they picked, I would have been fine with… except for one guy.

And guess who’s the fucking new coach? Yes… that guy.

Mr. “Everyone eats.”

Mr. “1-0” on Twitter.

Ugggggggggh — with more g’s than a fucking West Coast rap album from the ’90s.

I’m sick. I already know what the Brandon Beane ball-rushers are going to say:

“Hey! They were like top 5 in scoring!”

“Hey! Josh Allen won an MVP!”

“Hey! Josh won’t have to learn a new system!”

My response — besides fuck you —

Go watch the Eagles, Dolphins, Texans, and Falcons games from this season. Then afterward, go watch the AFC Divisional game where they could have put the game away offensively but didn’t. Then Google how many times the offense ran the ball on 1st and 10 against the Chiefs in the 2023 Divisional Playoffs, followed by running a fucking WR screen to the slowest wide receiver on the final drive against the Chiefs in the 2024 AFC Championship Game on 3rd and 6 — before Dalton Kincaid died trying to catch a pass.

I know — it’s McDermott’s fault because the defense couldn’t get off the field. Yes. Valid. But so is the other side of the ball, and we are going on three straight postseasons with the same OC.

That makes zero sense. You don’t clean house halfway.

I feel we’ve come to some sort of crazy world where if you stick up for Beane or McDermott, you’re viewed as the enemy of the opposite party. That’s not the fucking case. Both have had their issues, and just because you think one sucks more than the other doesn’t mean you’re a double agent.

Now… you might be asking… why do I not like Joe Brady?

Well, I’m not a giant fan of “balance” and having the QB throw mesh patterns, or making sure you “own time of possession,” or wide receiver screens. Maybe you think McDermott made him run this sort of offense, and I’m here to say that’s entirely possible — and I may have even said this in the past.

But McDermott did say he learned from Andy Reid about passing the football, while Brandon Beane has talked up the defensive lines from the Carolina Panthers dynasty teams with Julius Peppers and Greg Hardy.

In totality, this feels like a power struggle where Brandon Beane gained way more power, and Joe Brady could be viewed as a puppet for him. This is the guy who coined the phrase “Everyone eats,” which basically means the offense doesn’t need an alpha dog.

Beane has said recently that he can’t get a bunch of No. 1 wide receivers because of Josh Allen’s contract (bull fucking shit), so here comes a fucking head coach who probably thinks he doesn’t need one based on “Everyone eats.”

So with that, I’m wrapping up Day 2 in Cancun, and I’m not happy about this Bills hire. The Bills are basically saying status quo wasn’t good enough, but they’re keeping everyone in place who helped make it status quo — except McDermott.