Look, it’s Sunday. We’re heading into the bye week, and I know what you’re thinking. Where’s the Wormhole? Where’s another breakdown of the Bills defense? Where are the stats telling us why we should be miserable about a football team that’s winning games? Could I break down the “Just one before I die” mini-series or the pros and cons of going on a golf trip with Jeremy White and other WGR listeners. Fuck no.
Listen, two people need my help here more than you need another Wormhole. And by two people, I mean the thousands of Western New Yorkers who are about to experience something that I’ve been enjoying for years.
Costco.
Yes, Costco.
When I first met my wife, one of the fun things about getting to know each other was introducing one another to stuff that we had enjoyed before we met. I’m talking about movies, television shows, restaurants, and all those little traditions that eventually become part of your relationship.
For example, she wanted me to watch Schitt’s Creek. I wanted her to watch Game of Thrones. Neither of us had watched the other’s show. It’s one of those things you do when you’re in a relationship. You introduce someone to something you love, and hopefully they end up loving it too.
But then there are places you’ve never been to. Places you never really thought about visiting until somebody brings them into your life.
For my wife, that place was Costco.
Now, living in New York City, there are plenty of Costcos throughout the tri-state area. You have them in Queens, Long Island, Connecticut, and elsewhere. There’s one in Queens that’s about a five-minute drive from my old apartment. Hell, you could probably walk there if you really wanted to.
When my wife brought me there for the first time, I was skeptical.
I’m an Upstate New York guy. Wegmans is king. That’s what I grew up with. And frankly, I’m not even somebody who particularly loves grocery shopping. It’s not like I wake up on a Saturday morning excited to check out the produce section.
But when I walked into Costco for the first time, I was blown away.
Holy shit. This place is amazing.
And that’s why I’m writing this.
Because Buffalo is finally getting a Costco.
The new warehouse at 4230 Ridge Lea Road in Amherst, near Niagara Falls Boulevard, is scheduled to open on Wednesday, October 28. The gas station has already opened, and this is going to be a big deal for Western New York.
And I’m not talking about the bullshit excitement surrounding Whole Foods when it came to Buffalo. I knew that wasn’t going to be some giant game changer. You’re putting a Whole Foods five minutes away from a Wegmans? Really? Who thought that was a good idea?
I always thought Whole Foods would have made more sense somewhere downtown, maybe closer to Allentown, where hipsters could spend $14 on organic cauliflower while discussing whatever the hell hipsters discuss.
But Costco? Costco hits different.
Yes, there’s already a Costco in Rochester, and I’m sure some of you reading this have visited that location. But for the Buffalonians who have never stepped foot inside one, consider this your official introduction. Yes, I’m sure angry hat guy who scowls at Channel 2 will do a stand up outside talking to Vito who owns a plumbing company to complain about the traffic, but Vito and Hat Guy can piss off.
This is the Wormhole meets Breaking Take meets Bills, Takes and Dad Mistakes.
It’s everything.
Everything you need to know about Costco, from what to buy to what to avoid, how to navigate the madness, and why I think this place is going to be fantastic for Western New York.
And no, Costco isn’t paying me for this.
Even though they absolutely should.
This place is heaven.
So here’s my primer on the dos and don’ts of Costco.
1. Get the Executive Membership. Trust Me.
Let’s start with the obvious.
Costco is a membership warehouse, similar to Sam’s Club. You can’t just stroll inside and start buying giant packages of toilet paper without signing up.
There are two main personal memberships. The Gold Star Membership costs $65 annually, while the Executive Membership costs $130.
I’m telling you right now: Get the $130 one.
Why? Two words.
Executive hours.
Executive members get early shopping access. Generally, you can get in at 9 a.m. Monday through Friday and Sunday, while Saturday early access starts at 9:30 a.m. Just check your local warehouse hours.
And I’m going to explain why this is so important.
You know how Ty Dunne loves yelling about people leaving their shopping carts all over the place at Wegmans or wherever he happens to be shopping?
If Ty went to a Costco parking lot, he would have a heart attack and drop dead.
I’m serious. He would need to film an entire documentary about the shopping carts scattered everywhere, the people driving like lunatics, and the absolute insanity that goes into getting in and out of the parking lot.
It resembles leaving a Bills game after Buffalo clinches the AFC title.
Everybody wants to leave at the same time. Nobody knows where they’re going. Cars are everywhere. People are walking in every direction. There’s always some asshole who decides he’s going to stop in the middle of everything and wait for a spot to open up. There will be a giant shopping cart waiting for you at the spot you want to park in.
It’s nuts.
And that’s why the Executive Membership is worth the extra money.
You can get in before the giant crowds arrive, grab what you need, and hopefully get the hell out of there before the entire population of Erie County shows up.
If you’re one of those people who hates people, do not make your first Costco trip on a Sunday afternoon.
You will hate Costco immediately.
Now, the other nice thing about Executive Membership is the rewards. You get an annual 2% reward on eligible purchases. Costco also offers a separate credit card rewards program, so there are different ways to earn money back.
Last year, we got about $120 back in rewards. That’s basically the cost of the membership covered right there.
And that’s fantastic.
Of course, your rewards depend on how much you spend. But if you’re somebody who shops there regularly, particularly if you’ve got a family, those rewards can add up.
I cannot stress this enough. Get the Executive Membership for the early hours, and take advantage of the rewards.
Because if you decide to go shopping on a Sunday afternoon, prepare for hell.
2. Don’t Be Afraid of Kirkland. Kirkland Is Awesome.
You know how Wegmans has its own brand of products?
Well, Costco has Kirkland Signature.
And Kirkland is fantastic.
I’m talking everything from diapers to pasta, nuts, seltzer water, household supplies, and even beer and other alcohol products in locations where they’re sold.
They make just about everything.
And one of the things I’ve learned from shopping at Costco is not to be afraid of trying Kirkland products instead of the brand-name stuff.
The quality, at least from my experience, is excellent.
My favorite Kirkland product might actually be the almonds.
They’re cheap.
They’re inexpensive.
Did I mention they’re cheap?
And that’s a big part of the Costco experience. You’re getting bulk items that often cost less per unit than what you’d pay at a traditional grocery store.
The Kirkland seltzer is another favorite. I’ve gotten a 30-pack for around $10. That’s a fantastic deal, especially if your household goes through seltzer.
But here’s the one thing you have to understand.
Costco sells enormous quantities of things.
You aren’t buying some little package that’s going to last you three days. You’re buying enough of something to feed a small village.So if you’re single and living alone, Costco might not be the most practical place to do all your shopping.
But if you’ve got a family? It’s awesome.
Especially with kids. Diapers, snacks, household essentials, paper towels. You’re constantly running out of this shit anyway, so why not buy it in bulk?
My advice: Don’t be a brand-name snob.
Kirkland is great.
I have no notes.
3. The Revolving Door of Merchandise Is Half the Fun.
One of the things I love most about Costco is that it’s never the same experience twice.
Seriously.
Every time you go, you’re going to find something different.
Seasonal items. New foods. Random cheeses. Sandwiches. Beers you’ve never heard of. Things you didn’t know existed five minutes earlier that you suddenly feel compelled to buy.
And that’s part of what makes Costco so much fun.
You go in there thinking you’re getting a couple of things, and suddenly you’re staring at a product going, “Ooh, I gotta get that.” Costco is constantly rotating merchandise, and some products might only be around for a limited time. Which brings me to an important tip.
Look for the asterisk on the price tag.
Costco shoppers call it the Death Star. If you see a little asterisk in the upper-right corner of a price sign, it generally means that product is being discontinued or isn’t scheduled to be restocked as part of the current assortment.
In other words, don’t assume it’ll be there the next time you visit.
Because I have made that mistake. You see something you like, you tell yourself you’ll get it next time, and then the next time you show up, it’s gone.
Never to be seen again.
Or maybe it returns six months later. Who the hell knows?
That’s Costco.
And it’s why every trip feels like a little adventure.
4. The Beer Selection Is a Crapshoot.
Here’s something else to understand.
Every Costco is different.
If you go to one in Rochester, then visit one in Queens or Long Island, you’re not necessarily going to find the same merchandise. Some warehouses are bigger. Some are smaller. Some carry different products based on their location. And judging by the size of that new Costco on the Boulevard, Buffalo is getting its own Death Star.
That thing looks gigantic.
Now, let’s talk about beer.
The Costco beer section is a hot-and-cold situation.
Sometimes it’s fantastic. I recently went to Costco and found 24-pack variety cases of German beer I’d never even heard of. They also had Bell’s variety packs and Sierra Nevada.
That’s good stuff.
But then there have been times when I’ve gone for an entire month and all they’ve had is domestic crap. And I’m not happy about that.
I’m walking around looking for something interesting, and instead I’m staring at the same beers I can find in practically every supermarket.
What the hell?
But the other interesting thing is that some Costcos carry local beer. So I wouldn’t be shocked if the Buffalo location eventually featured products from Western New York breweries.
Imagine walking into Costco and finding a giant variety pack from one of your favorite Buffalo breweries.
That would be fantastic.
The beer section is basically a lottery. Sometimes you hit the jackpot. Sometimes you’re standing there wondering why you bothered.
5. Costco Is a Great Place to Buy Clothes, Especially if You’re Dad.
Now, let’s talk about clothes.
Every Costco has a clothing section, and there are some really good deals.
You’ll find kids’ clothes, adult clothes, seasonal stuff, pajamas, sneakers, slippers, and plenty of other things.
The kids’ stuff is particularly good. They’ll have onesies, holiday pajamas, Spider-Man stuff, and other licensed merchandise. I’ve seen multipacks of kids’ clothes for around $13. That’s a great deal. And when you’ve got kids who are constantly growing out of things, spending $40 on one outfit doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. They also carry familiar brands, including things like Banana Republic, alongside plenty of inexpensive everyday clothing.
But here’s where Costco really shines.
Older Dad clothes.
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Boomer Dad doesn’t give a shit about brands. Boomer Dad doesn’t need some fancy designer sweater. Boomer Dad just wants to be comfortable. Give Boomer Dad a pair of slippers, a basic hoodie, or some boring sweater he can wear around the house, and he’s thrilled.
Costco understands Boomer Dad…and even regular dads too.
It’s also a pretty good place to find gifts for someone who isn’t overly concerned about fashion. I’m not saying you’re going to find the greatest clothing selection in the world. You’re not walking into some high-end department store.
But for everyday stuff? Absolutely.
Also, the prices I’m mentioning are based on what I’ve seen in New York City. I’m not promising Buffalo will be cheaper, but there are plenty of good deals to be found.
6. The Random Shit Is Stupendous.
This might be my favorite part of Costco.
The random items. Because Costco isn’t just groceries, clothing, and enormous packages of paper towels.
They sell everything.
I’m talking toys, Halloween decorations, Christmas decorations, furniture, patio sets, couches, and appliances. I’ve even seen a greenhouse for sale.
A greenhouse!
Imagine going to Costco because you need some almonds and suddenly considering whether you should become a farmer.
That’s what this place does to you.
And the random merchandise is constantly changing. One month you’ll see a bunch of outdoor furniture. The next month, Christmas decorations are everywhere. Then Halloween rolls around and suddenly you’ve got giant decorations that look like they belong in somebody’s front yard in Orchard Park.
It’s stupendous.
And the other thing is that you don’t necessarily need to go to a department store for all these things anymore.
Need a couch? Costco might have one.
Need something for your backyard? Check Costco.
Need a random Christmas present for somebody you barely know? Costco.
Need a giant toy for your kid you have absolutely no room for? Costco.
The random merchandise is one of the things that makes shopping there fun, and I would absolutely recommend checking it out.
7. The Prepared Foods Are Fantastic. The Pizza? Eh.
Let’s talk about food.
Because this is where Costco really starts to shine. First and foremost, the rotisserie chicken.
Holy shit.
You can get an entire giant rotisserie chicken for $4.99.
Five dollars!
Where the hell are you getting that kind of deal anymore? It’s probably one of the best bargains in the entire store. If you’ve got a family, you can bring that thing home and make dinner without spending a fortune.
And while we’re on the subject of incredible deals, let’s talk about the Costco hot dog.
A hot dog and soda for $1.50.
Yes, a dollar fifty.
That price has been around since 1985, and Costco leadership has repeatedly said they’re committed to keeping it that way and in his words in about as direct as you can get..
If you raise the [price of the] effing hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.
In an era where everything costs more, this is practically a public service. The CEO also was livid about tariffs from president orange pig shit and when he lifted someone of them in his peek-a-boo trade wars with everyone, he said he was gonna discount items so people got some of their money back.
Now, Costco also has a food court where you can get pizza.
You can get an entire large pizza for roughly $10.
Is that a good deal? Absolutely.
Is the pizza good?
Eh.
It’s mid.
I wouldn’t go out of my way for it.
And as a Buffalo guy who has lived in New York City for more than two decades, I’m not going to sit here and pretend Costco pizza is some incredible culinary experience.
It’s cheap pizza.
That’s it.
But where Costco really excels is in its prepared foods section. You’ll see these long refrigerated deli-style cases filled with meals that are ready to heat, assemble, or eat.
The tacos are great.
The fajitas are great.
The pasta salad is great.
The Pretzel Turkey sliders are great.
There are plenty of other meals, and the selection changes depending on the time of year and what the warehouse is carrying. It’s perfect for families who don’t necessarily want to spend an hour preparing dinner every night. You grab something, bring it home, and you’ve got dinner. And because Costco rotates its prepared foods, you can discover something new practically every time you go.
The prepared foods get a big recommendation from me.
The pizza can stay in the food court.
8. The Produce Is Probably My Biggest Complaint.
Now, I have been ballwashing Costco throughout this entire article, so it’s time to criticize something.
The produce.
Not gonna lie.
I’m not a big fan.
There have been plenty of times when I’ve gone into Costco looking for apples, and they either don’t have the ones I want or the selection is pretty weak. And don’t even get me started on the bananas. They’re stupid green.
I mean, ridiculously green.
What am I supposed to do with these things? Buy them and wait until Josh Allen wins another playoff game before I can eat one?
Come on.
Now, the prices can be good.
I’ve gotten bags of around eight Honeycrisp apples for roughly $7. That’s a really good deal, and the apples are usually pretty good. But overall, the produce department just doesn’t do it for me.
And this is where Wegmans comes back into the conversation.
If you’re shopping for fruits and vegetables, I would stick with Wegmans. I think their produce selection is better, and I generally prefer the quality. That’s not to say Costco doesn’t have good produce. I’m sure plenty of people love it. But based on my experience, this is one category where Wegmans wins.
And it’s not particularly close.
9. The Organic Chicken Is Fine, But Wegmans Wins Again.
I’m a big chicken guy.
We eat a lot of chicken in our household, so I’m always looking for good deals. Costco sells organic chicken in bulk, and I’ve gotten packages with three large portions for around $27.
That’s not bad at all, especially when you consider how expensive organic chicken can be.
But here’s my issue.
I find Costco’s organic chicken a little too fatty for my taste and I have to get a knife out to trim the fat like I’m The Pegulas during their business ventures in 2020.
There’s just more trimming involved than I want to deal with.
And when I’m preparing dinner, especially with two kids in the house, the last thing I want to do is spend another 15 minutes cutting fat off chicken. I much prefer the organic chicken at Wegmans.
Again, this is a personal preference.
I’m sure somebody reading this is going to tell me Costco chicken is the greatest thing ever created, and that’s fine.
But for me, Wegmans wins this category.
And speaking of Wegmans, there’s something else Costco doesn’t have that drives me nuts.
Subs.
I’m talking about a freshly made Wegmans-style sub shop. If you’re from Buffalo or Rochester, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Sometimes you just want to walk into Wegmans, grab a sub, and get the hell out of there.
Costco doesn’t give me that experience.
So while Costco might be winning the overall battle, Wegmans still has a few weapons in its arsenal.
10. Checkout Is Organized Chaos. Get the Hell Out.
If you thought the Costco parking lot was insane, wait until you get to checkout.
It’s chaos.
Now, to Costco’s credit, they’re generally very efficient. They have traditional registers, self-checkout stations, and employees who know how to move people through the lines.
But I need to emphasize something.
This is not the place to fraternize.
I’m serious.
Do not come into Costco looking to have a 20-minute conversation with the cashier about how your weekend went and how great Josh Allen is.
Nobody wants to know.
Nobody needs your life story.
Put your shit on the conveyor belt, pay for your items, and get the hell out. Now, I will say that the employees are often very nice. Especially when I bring my son Andy.
They love Andy.
But who doesn’t love Andy?
He’s amazing.
However, outside of that, Costco is a business of efficiency. One of the things I recommend is using self-checkout if you’ve only got 10 or 15 items. Why stand in a giant line behind somebody who has $700 worth of groceries when you can get through much faster?
Also, have your membership card ready.
Costco scans your membership when you enter the warehouse, and you’ll need it again when you check out. Don’t be the person who gets to the front of the line and suddenly starts digging through a giant purse looking for a card.
Come on.
Another nice thing is that Costco sometimes has employees walking through the lines with scanners. They’ll scan your merchandise before you reach the register, so by the time you get up there, your items are already entered.
That’s awesome.
It’s efficient.
It’s fast.
And that’s exactly how Costco should operate. Because nobody wants to spend an hour waiting to pay for a giant package of toilet paper. Just remember, there’s usually an employee checking receipts when you leave, so you’re not completely finished until you get through that final line.
Costco checkout is chaotic, but there’s a method to the madness.
Just keep moving.
11. Sports Merchandise: Perfect for the Dad Who Wants an Ugly Bills Sweater.
Now, this is something that should interest Buffalo sports fans.Costco carries regional sports merchandise. In New York City, I’ve seen plenty of Mets, Yankees, Jets, and other local team stuff. So I’m assuming that the Buffalo Costco will eventually have Bills merchandise, although we’ll have to see what actually shows up.
And the stuff they carry can be pretty interesting.
You’ll find things like team-themed whiskey glasses, beer glasses, sweatshirts, hoodies, hats, and other random merchandise.
It’s usually pretty inexpensive.
I’ve seen hats ranging from $10 to $20.
That’s a good deal.
Now, let’s be clear about something. You’re not going to Costco and expecting the New Era Flagship Store. You’re not going to find every Bills hat imaginable, and a lot of the clothing is pretty generic.
But that’s fine.
Because sometimes you just need a gift for your Boomer dad. And Boomer Dad doesn’t care. Boomer Dad wants a Bills sweater. It doesn’t have to be fashionable. It doesn’t have to be cool. It can be the ugliest, most boring Bills sweater you’ve ever seen in your entire life. And Boomer Dad is going to love it.
He’ll wear it every Sunday.
He’ll probably wear it to Thanksgiving dinner.
He’ll wear it while complaining about the offensive line, the coaching staff, or whatever else Bills fans happen to be complaining about that week.
That’s the beauty of Costco sports merchandise. It’s inexpensive, it’s practical, and it’s a good place to find gifts. Just don’t expect anything particularly fancy.
12. The Free Samples Are Glorious.
Now, one of the things that absolutely blew me away when I first visited Costco was the free samples.
Holy shit.
The samples.
I had no idea this was such a big part of the Costco experience. You walk around the store and suddenly there are people handing out little pieces of food everywhere.
Egg rolls.
Nuts.
Pretzels.
Shrimp.
Random snacks.
Things you’ve never eaten before. It’s like walking around a food festival where nobody is charging you admission. Well, technically you’re paying for the membership, but you get my point.
On a good day, I’ll see five or six different sample stations, sometimes more. And it’s always different. You never know what they’re going to be handing out.
Now, there is one downside to those Executive Membership hours I mentioned earlier.
In my experience, the sample stations usually don’t start operating until a little after 10 a.m.
So here’s my suggestion.
If you want to take advantage of early shopping and also enjoy the samples, get there around 9:30 if your membership and warehouse hours allow it. Start your shopping, browse around, and by the time you’re getting through the store, hopefully the samples will be coming out. Because the samples are great.
And I’ll admit something else.
I have absolutely bought products because of samples.
I’m an easy target.
I’ll be walking through Costco with absolutely no intention of buying some random appetizer, and then somebody hands me a sample.
I eat it.
I like it.
And suddenly there’s a giant box of it in my cart.
Did I need it?
No.
Was I planning on buying it?
Absolutely not.
But that’s Costco.
They get you.
And I’m perfectly fine with it.
13. The Bakery Is Fantastic. And Dangerous.
Now, let’s talk about the bakery, because holy shit, Costco has some amazing treats. I’m a big fan of their cookies. Specifically, the variety pack.
You get 30 cookies for around nine bucks.
Thirty!
Where the hell are you getting 30 cookies for nine dollars anymore?
And these aren’t some generic, boring cookies either. You’re getting chocolate chip, macadamia nut, and oatmeal cookies.
The variety is fantastic, and they’re really good.
The problem is that when you have 30 cookies sitting around the house, you’re going to eat 30 cookies. Maybe not in one sitting, but they’re going to disappear a hell of a lot faster than you anticipated.
The muffins are another big winner.
Costco makes some fantastic muffins, and just like everything else in the store, the selection can change depending on the season. For example, during the fall, they have pumpkin muffins.
I’ve gotten eight full-sized pumpkin muffins for $6.99.
That’s less than a dollar per muffin. And these aren’t some little muffins you’d get at a hotel continental breakfast. These things are enormous. Again, that’s the beauty of Costco. You go there one month and find something you love, and the next month they’ve got something completely different.
It’s part of the adventure.
Now, do you really need 30 cookies and eight giant muffins in your house?
Absolutely not.
Are you going to buy them anyway?
You’re goddamn right you are.
And this brings me back to one of my biggest pieces of advice.
Never go to Costco hungry.
Because if you walk past that bakery on an empty stomach, you’re completely screwed.
#14 – Costco for Women (According to My Wife)
Now, I would be doing a disservice to my marriage if I didn’t mention this one. My wife specifically told me that I needed to bring up how great Costco is for women, especially when it comes to skincare, clothes, and vitamins.
According to her, the skincare products are incredible. The disposable makeup wipes are fantastic, and the clothes are not only inexpensive but really comfortable. And my wife is BIG on vitamins. She takes that stuff seriously, and Costco is her go-to place to stock up.
So there you go. This one comes directly from my wife. I may be the one writing this Costco love letter, but apparently, she’s been enjoying the benefits just as much as I have.
And more importantly, I’ve now fulfilled my obligation as a husband by including her contribution.
Final Word: Sorry, Wegmans. Costco Wins.
Look, Costco and Wegmans should go hand in hand.
There are things that Wegmans does better than Costco, and there are things Costco does better than Wegmans. You don’t have to choose one and completely abandon the other.
It’s like listening to Buffalo Bills podcasts.
There are approximately a billion of them.
And just because you like one doesn’t mean you can’t listen to somebody else. You can enjoy multiple things. You can appreciate different perspectives. You can have your favorites without pretending everything else is terrible.
And that’s how I feel about Costco and Wegmans.
But with that said, I have a confession to make.
I think Costco is better than Wegmans.
There.
I said it.
I know.
Take away my Buffalo card. Take away my Rochester card. Take away whatever Upstate New York membership card I’ve apparently violated by saying this. I don’t care. Costco, to me, is more of an adventure. When I go to Wegmans, I generally know what I’m getting. I know where everything is. I know what products I like, and I know what I’m going home with.
Costco is different.
Every time I walk through those doors, I have no idea what I’m going to find. Maybe it’s some random German beer I’ve never heard of. Maybe it’s a giant package of almonds. Maybe it’s a new prepared meal. Maybe it’s a greenhouse.
Who the hell knows?
And that’s what I love about it. It’s not just grocery shopping. It’s an experience. Now, that experience can quickly turn into absolute hell if you show up when the entire population of Western New York decides to go shopping at the same time.
Welcome to Costco, Buffalo. You’re going to love it.
Just stay the hell out of the parking lot on Sunday afternoon.
